Hey everyone, welcome back!! I hope everyone has had an amazing week. I looked over at the amount of views I have on my blog and WE ARE ALMOST AT 1,000 VIEWS. It may not seem like a lot to some people and some of my friends have more instagram followers than that but you all mean so much to me. The fact you take time out of your day to read my thoughts makes me feel very very loved so thank you.
I am going to be honest, I don’t really know where this post is going, I originally started this blog to talk about philosophical topics and spirituality but I feel like there’s so much beauty in writing about the most mundane things in life sometimes. I know it is very ironic coming from someone who wants to study philosophy but life isn’t always about the big questions. Don’t get me wrong, I love having intense discussions and small talk is generally something that makes me feel a bit awkward but I am talking more from a perspective of being alone, I feel like sometimes discussing the purpose of life or something can be fun but for me, whenever I start getting overly philosophical, it’s usually a sign I’m struggling to keep up with life and the small things, even if it’s something like washing your hair (let me tell you, washing curly waist length hair is a whole SPORT).
The last week has been so crazy I don’t even know where to start, I had only 2 free periods last week, 3 tests and a whole lot of emotions. I have been trying to hard to prioritise myself but its really difficult when you constantly have something to be doing. I kind of brought it on myself because when I was younger I could always balance multiple activities alongside being good at academics, creative things, sports and well, you get the gist. The truth is, as you get older, life gets harder. I’ve not been able to accept this for the longest time because I keep convincing myself that I am able to manage everything when in reality, I am sacrificing my mental health and even my physical health in order to “do more”.
Is “Doing More” ACTUALLY “More”?
This question may sound a bit weird to people but what I really mean is, is doing more stuff actually allowing you to do more of the things you enjoy? Or even just the basic things you need to do in order to stay healthy, like sleeping?
What I’ve found recently is that I’ve been doing so much, hours of revision, exercises for my back to get better, reading extra things around my subjects and so on. What has it actually lead to? I got average scores in my tests even though I had studied endlessly, my back has been getting worse to the point I can’t move it without pain, despite doing everything I can to help it.
What may seem like “more” could actually have reverse effects because you’re not doing more of the things you should be doing which leads to a much smaller outcome compared to the effort of the income.
Doing the Things you Love
Going to dance last night was a bit of a wake up call for me. I wasn’t going to go because my back was so tense but I decided that if it got worse, I could always sit out. This will sound very cheesy but the minute I walked in, the music started playing and we started stretching, my back was doing MUCH better and it wasn’t even halfway through the class. It kind of reminded me that the problem isn’t that I’m doing too many things, it’s that I’m doing too little of the things I love. I really just danced everything out last night, all my breakdowns, all my stress, all the guilt I felt for not being able to be there for my lacrosse team even though I had an awful back issue.
I feel like this is something that everyone needs to hear because last week, I was in a state where I could barely get myself to do things like wash my hair or walk downstairs to put my clothes in the washing machine. My room was starting to turn into a bit of a cave again and I knew exactly what I needed to do in order to help myself but I lacked the motivation to do so because every time I wasn’t doing something “productive” I felt like I was not doing all that I could to be the best version of myself. SO DO MORE OF THE THINGS YOU LOVE, even if it’s just being in bed and reading a cheesy rom-com book.
Self Care
I feel a bit hypocritical writing about this because lately, the last thing I have been doing is taking care of myself. I guess that’s especially why I want to write about it because I don’t wish for anyone to feel this kind of way (not here to promote toxic positivity, it’s ok not to be ok, I just wish happiness for everyone). I know me saying “take care of yourself” isn’t going to be very useful for everyone because if someone would tell me that while I was burnt out and unable to get out of bed, I’d throw a pointe shoe at their head.
This is more of a “make sure you’re prioritising self care” kind of vibe. If you have lots of work due the next day but it’s late night, go to sleep. Your work will always be there for you to continue later on but those hours of sleep you miss could mean you aren’t able to focus the next day and it could lead you to having to do more work. If you’re drained from a week of school/work and you made plans with friends on the weekend and you don’t want to go anymore, don’t go. One thing I want everyone to take away from this post is that you shouldn’t be putting your mental health at cost for fulfilling other people’s needs. Your friends will be there for you once you are back on your feet and ready to chill with them, and if they’re not, then they’re not your friends.
I’m going to end this post here now because I don’t want to get too intense with it, especially since I’ve just been in a bit of a mess lately and I don’t feel like a breakdown while writing this. I have been trying really hard to try and balance my personal needs with the rest of life. It can be so hard prioritising yourself sometimes and I get that, especially when you’re stuck in a bit of a rut but one thing I can assure you is that there will definitely be less “ruts” if you put yourself first, because you deserve it. Every single one of you guys deserves to be a priority, a first choice, no matter what the second choice may be.
I hope you all have an amazing week ahead!! If anyone has any topic requests or wants someone to talk to, then don’t hesitate to email me (aishanijoshi23@gmail.com) and just a little reminder that reaching out for help when you need it makes you a very strong person. See you next week, love you guys <33
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