2021 Reflections and 2022 Thoughts

 Hey everyone, HAPPY NEW YEAR!! I hope everyone had a really lovely new year surrounded with the people you love. My family went to our cousin's house with some other extended family and friends for this insane party that ended at 4 in the morning. It was really fun even though I started feeling tired around 9:30 (yes I'm a grandma, leave me alone) and I was really grateful to be able to start 2022 off with some inspiring and good people. This post is just a bit of a wrap up kind of post, I like to reflect on the past year usually a few days into the new year so I can actually process the fact that we have moved into a new chapter in our lives.

2021

Last year was probably one of the worst years of my life. However, because it was one of the worst, it was also somehow the best. We started off last year with a lockdown which kind of made my mental health much worse because I needed the distraction of school to get out of the rut I had been in since my Grandfather and 4 other family members had passed away. We moved house last year and honestly it felt great. We used to live in a very small house that we were very happy in but had simply outgrown and last year we moved into the house we are currently in which my dad had owned before but other family was living here. It kind of gave me a bit of a fresh start with my mindsets, school and just moving on after a hellish 2020. I was allowed to get my room done up first so I could use it as much as I can before I go to university. I made a sacred space where everyone subconsciously comes into when they need that little bit of healing or grounding.

School wise, I had my GCSE's with an insane amount of uncertainty because the government changed what they were saying every single day. Exams last year generally weren't too bad for me, everyone around me was in a constant state of stress so I tried to be the one calm person people could come to when they needed a bit of reassurance or calming down. It did lead to me having a lot of secret breakdowns but quite frankly, exam season just feels like it was a bit of a blur. 

During the last academic year, I made some of the bestest friends in the whole world. I never really had a solid friendship group but during year 10/11 I made some friends who I know would be with me throughout my life, no matter what. Even coming into sixth form, I made so many more friends. I've always struggled to find true friends because as much as I try to be outgoing, I find it very draining to try and put myself out there all the time and sometimes people didn't really understand that, not that I expected them to. Multiple friends of mine moved schools for sixth form and while I talk to a few of them, I have sadly lost touch with quite a lot of them, I hope they're doing well and I wish them nothing but happiness. I also got closer to a lot of my cousins and family which made me feel really good, like I have a solid support system behind me which I felt like I didn't really have with my friendships growing up.

Slowly but surely last year, I was able to start healing my inner child. I never really used to leave the house or hang out with my friends outside of school that often but I actually started leaving the house alone at the old age of 16. It may seem very late to some people but we all work at our own paces. I started speaking to myself with a lot more love than previous years which really helped me heal my inner child, alongside doing stupid things with my friends and having the coolest summer filled with some of the comforting music festivals I've been going to since I was little.

I started my blog at the end of last summer which was the best decision I could have ever made, and not just because saying "sorry, I need to write a blog post" is a good excuse to get out of plans hahaha. This blog has really helped me understand some things in life and also has helped me cope in some ways. The internet can be a harsh place but luckily this blog is a bit under the wraps so I haven't really encountered that.

Starting sixth form last year was definitely a rough period. I kind of lost my sense of self because of how much I had overworked myself and it really hurt because I had spent most of the year (as cringey as it sounds) trying to find myself. Since starting sixth form, I had lost the time to immerse myself within the spiritual aspects of my life and lost touch of my crafts. Starting sixth form was a bit of a learning curve for me, and not just literal school learning. I learnt that it was ok to reach out for help when things get a bit rough. I learnt that I don't need to struggle alone and bear the weight of everything on my shoulders. I was able to find a bit of a balance between school and my life (more like what was left of my life).

Why I Don't Like New Year's Resolutions

In my opinion, if someone wants to make a change in life, you should make the change from now. Telling yourself you'll start something in the new year is essentially convincing yourself that what you want to achieve isn't important enough to start as soon as possible. Also, I feel like naming things as a resolution automatically puts pressure on you to complete something and when you have that pressure on you, it makes it feel more like an obligation rather than something you are simply doing for the betterment of yourself or your life. I am a firm believer in intentions and the power of them. Doing something with a good intention rather than doing it as an obligation will genuinely bring good into your life. It's like the idea that my mum always says we should never eat while crying because those negative intentions/energy/vibrations etc. is what you are consuming and that's what will manifest into your life.

This doesn't mean all new year's resolutions are bad because I always try to set myself a realistic intention for the year, I'm just not a huge fan of setting out a long list of things you want to do in the new year and then forgetting about it after a month or so.

2022

This year has already started off better than the last. I have been trying to dive back into my spiritual practices and I have decided that if I really want to do something, I can make the time for it. I have been pulling a daily tarot card and while I don't really like doing readings for myself, it's more for remembering all the meanings of the cards and building my intuition even more. I have actually had time to meditate which is always good. I have been trying to get on top of school work before we start next Monday but it seems like it never ends. I do have some tests and a presentation as well as other work in general so I'm trying to finish it but it gets a bit tiring. I feel like a bit of a grandma while writing this, I have a mug of chai next to me and I'm wrapped up in a huge cardigan and am also wearing fluffy slippers. Frankly, I don't care what my very extroverted cousins, sisters and even some friends say, I want to emit these kinds of warm and comforting vibes for the rest of my life and even if it means I prefer staying indoors on a Friday night with Pride and Prejudice, then so be it.

Anyways, this post has gone on forever and if you made it till the end then I really appreciate you listening to me rambling late at night while listening to my "falling in love with a fictional character" playlist. I hope everyone has a wonderful week and I'll see you soon, love you guys <33